Home

It might be a first instinct to think that the home my husband and I built together--where we shared the fun of choosing flooring, cabinets, and countertops--would become an uncomfortable, unwelcoming place now that he has left.  There are times when I'll forget what's happened and start to call out his name only to have the rush of emotion remind me.  Overall, though, I've found that it's been the opposite for me; my home has become my safe haven and a precious comfort.

Immediately after he left, I felt compelled to change as much about my home that I could.  I rearranged furniture in a frenzy, I painted the bathroom red, I bought a new comforter and new dishes.  Had I had the money, I probably would have had a furniture delivery truck in the driveway the very next day.  I wanted to transform the place from our home into my home--to turn it into a place that will welcome me and remind me that I am strong, that I can take care of myself, and that I'll come out on the other side of this experience OK.

In the weeks since that frenzy, my work around the house has become more measured and thoughtful.  I've come to enjoy my cleaning routines (!).  I've poked around the furnace and hot water heater, so that I can figure out what maintenance needs I have.  I've dug up and reseeded big sections of the lawn.  I look forward to the true arrival of spring and then the summer when I will be able to spend pleasant afternoons on the patio among the flowers and birds at the feeder.  I look forward to sharing good times full of good food and laughter in my home with friends and family. 

Most importantly, I'm spending more time looking forward these days, rather than backward at what I've lost.  I'm seeing the possibilities of the future, and my home is a big part of that.